On Sunday, we discussed two reasons that our “busy-ness” can be a problem: 1) Our frantic schedules stimulate at toxic disease called “crowded loneliness” and 2) We were created with a connection requirement. Today, let’s take the first one and discuss a little bit more.
Research conducted by the Barna Group has indicated that Americans are among the loneliest people on earth. How can this be? We have people everywhere. I honestly think I’ve met more people in the past 3 years than my parents knew the whole time I was growing up. We live in a city that has close to 80,000 people and is growing...how can we be lonely?
How does loneliness creep into a society that has so many people? We are surrounded by people that we do not really know...and who do not know us. We have a lot of acquaintances and not very many friends. Often in churches, our small groups simply are just one more group of people that we don’t have time to really get to know. The problem doesn’t lie with small groups, but with “orbit management.” When the people in my different circles of relationship begin to intersect with one another, something incredible happens.
In teaching about small groups, I used to say that you know a group is going well when the members start getting together without the leader. When one person is the “connection” to everyone in the group, community is not happening.
Do you believe that “crowded loneliness” is a problem in our society? How have you been affected by it? Do you think it’s possible to move away from this? Would you consider yourself “lonely”?
I know that when I moved here, a while back, I found myself enjoying the annonymity. I could take my kid to school and drive home without having to worry about talking to anyone. I liked going to the grocery store and never seeing anyone I knew. While at first I enjoyed it, I realized I knew no one. Now, as I have begun to understand God's desire for me to know, love and serve others, I've found that I have to make myself available. Kind of like dating, I guess! ;) I do find it lonely when I just drive home and go inside. And stay. Until tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteInitially, it's hard to make myself engage, but honestly, after I get over myself, I find there is great joy following a conversation with a neighbor or close friend, or even a family member I haven't spoken to in awhile. I find myself connected again.
And all is right with the world again.
Funny, isn't it? Our closest neighbors just moved and there are these two giant empty spots in my day now- the walk to the bus stop and the afternoon after the bus stop. Our kids are in the same class at school and it was natural. There are other moms at the bus stop, and we chit chat, but we go our seperate ways as soon as the bus doors close. I can see how lonliness is tempting at this point, since I invested over a year in to that relationship, and we'll be moving soon, too. Better to sheild myself from this happening again by not becoming close to anyone else between now and then. But that's not how God wired me, so I talked a little bit longer to another mom this morning. Maybe soon we'll be spending our afternoons together, too!
ReplyDeleteI've been more of an individualistic person most of my life. I've been kind to people, but even friends were out of sight, out of mind. When I would lose touch with friends, I would usually just let it go. But when I came to a place where I needed friends, I had to do a lot of apologizing. And I think everyone comes to that place eventually. With my personality, I don't tend to feel lonely. But beyond my feelings, I recognize that friendships are important. And the more I invest in them, the more I like my life vs. the way it was before.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny that the latest topic would be loneliness because that's been my biggest struggle for the last few months. I have a big family, I work with people that I just love every day, I have an unbelieveable number of contacts in my cell phone. And yet, some of my most intimate, growing, Christ-like relationships have slipped away under various circumstances. At first, I was bitter and definitely jaded, wondering if this whole community thing we keep talking about is even worth the messy parts... Hurt and abandonment feelings work that way. The reality is that God really DID wire us up to be connected at the heart of other human beings. I know in my heart that it IS worth the risk of the pain because if I avoid those close relationships to try to keep myself from the pain of loss, I miss out on all the potential joy that God has in store through those friendships that sharpen. I believe that He has something better in store for my heart. I am hanging onto the 'do not be afraid...you are not alone, I am with you wherever you go...I will never leave you or forsake you...
ReplyDeleteHey Knitgirl!!! Great to see you back.
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